First up at 9pm is “The Blankie,” during which Jim lays a major guilt trip on his oldest three children when one of the new twin arrivals’ blanket disappears. Jim is pitching in with the infants after Cheryl blows a gasket — or two — doing everything herself.

Longtime viewers know the drill from there. Newbies, that means that after a whole lot of drama, we’ll eventually learn Jim is wrong and everybody else has been victimized by his customary zeal to make others do what he wants.

The hour closes with “The New Best Friend,” which involves lots of reluctant holiday shopping on Jim’s part after Cheryl’s sister and best friend Dana moves away. So, what does Jim do when he realizes he can’t take hanging out with his wife that much? Well, he decides it’s his job to find her a new BFF, STAT. Sounds like a plan.

According to Jim airs Tuesdays on ABC at 9pm EST until the end of the year. The series then moves to Tuesdays at 8pm in 2009.

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Tongues are a-wagging about the recent interview Vanity Fair conducted with deserving It Girl and 30 Rock mastermind Tina Fey.

Although the title boasts that the magazine knows “What Tina Wants,” all many readers want to finally know is how the world-famous scar on her face got there. And, yes, if you are in that group of curious fans, the secret is revealed: the facial feature is the result of a bizarre slashing from a stranger that occurred when the funnywoman was five years old.

I find that information profoundly disturbing, but thankfully the rest of the interview isn’t. Check out the four-page write-up over at the Vanity Fair website. It’s got cool pics and a quickie photo shoot video of Tina, too.

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The two sneak peeks after the jump feature a little game of tag between Hank and Lew Ashby in Hank vs. Lew (idiots!) and a little chitchat between Hank and Charlie in Wasted Time.

Hope I’m not the only person absolutely loving having Callum Keith Rennie around so much as Lew. Somebody please give the man his own show now that Battlestar Galactica will be heading into the twilight soon.

Californication airs Sundays on Showtime at 10pm EST.

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Not only does the forensics expert by day have to deal with Miguel, knowing the lawman’s got a few games of his own, but he also has to accept the fact that Miguel is a pro at getting Rita to like him. I sense this predicament is going to end quite badly, most likely for the attorney.

Meanwhile, Dexter’s sister Debra, newly reunited with Anton after his brush with the Skinner, has to determine if dating a former informant is such a good idea after all. I’m thinking it’s not.

Two sneak peeks at the episode follow the jump: Family Is Scared (yes, it is) and Plus One. Can you believe Miguel actually has the nerve to blackmail Dexter in the first video? Now, that’s what you call balls of steel.

Dexter airs Sundays on Showtime at 9pm EST.

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The hour of comedy is a two-parter called “Labor Paynes,” and just as the title hints, it involves a birth. During Part One, both Janine and C.J. and Miranda and Calvin get married in the delivery room of a hospital. Then, in the conclusion, Janine has trouble coping after giving birth to twins.

If you’re a House of Payne fanatic or just need to catch up on events, also make sure to catch the four encore episodes from the end of Season Two that precede the hourlong third-season premiere: “Party Over Here!” (8pm), “The Last Supper” (8:30pm), “We’ve Come This Far By Faith, Part 1″ (9pm), and “We’ve Come This Far By Faith, Part 2″ (9:30pm).

New episodes of Tyler Perry’s House of Payne premiere Wednesdays on TBS from 10pm–11pm EST, while encores air Wednesdays from 8pm–10pm.

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The forthcoming December 1 episode of Chuck called “Chuck Versus the Sensei” is going to be a good one, guaranteed.

Now that it’s almost time for Chuck’s big sister Ellie to get hitched to awesome Devon, let’s meet his parents, Drs. Honey and Woody Woodcomb. They’re played by television icons Morgan Fairchild (Falcon Crest, Flamingo Road) and Bruce Boxleitner (Babylon 5, Scarecrow and Mrs. King), which is more than enough reason to tune in for their arrival.

Another excellent motivation is to see Alias veteran Carl Lumbly portray one more kick-ass spy, this time Casey’s sensei mentor Ty Bennett, whom the NSA agent is shocked to learn may have turned rogue. There’s no way this plotline can be anything less than spook-tastic.

Check out the Meet the Awesomes behind-the-scenes look at Monday’s episode after the jump, featuring the superbly cast Fairchild and Boxleitner. Both actors still look great after all these years, don’t they?

Chuck airs Mondays on NBC at 8pm EST.

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Unfortunately, the show will then go on hiatus for the holidays, until fresh episodes kick back in on January 12 next year. So, let’s just enjoy Christina & Company while we can.

The first installment on December 1 is called “The Park,” and it airs at precisely 9:02pm EST. Former Men in Trees star James Tupper reprises his quirky role as Sam’s rich philanthropist boyfriend Owen, whom Samantha tries and (miserably) fails to impress with her impromptu environmentalism. Sam’s best friend Andrea will also find herself in an undesirable position when she discovers that the pro-athlete object of her desire doesn’t consider her Numero Uno.

Take-charge Andrea plays a big part in “The Family Vacation” at 9:31pm, too, when Sam brings her and Dena along on a family trip following a devastating breakup. Too bad for the amnesiac that the owner of their accommodations, Brad (Raising the Bar’s Teddy Sears), turns out to be an old flame, whom Andrea promptly makes a move on while Sam hesitates to do the same. Ouch — great way to ruin a vacation.

Preview the comedy hour in the video after the jump.

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First up is Team Tony Shalhoub at 9pm EST, who bring us “Mr. Monk and the Miracle.” Neither Adrian Monk nor Captain Stottlemeyer believes in miracles, until a little intervention from fate.

In the case of the OCD detective, he decides to take on an inspiring mystery involving the murder of several homeless men’s friend, courtesy of Natalie’s intervention. And Stottlemeyer experiences renewed faith when a fountain at a monastery appears to get rid of his chronic pain.

Following at 10pm EST is Psych and “Christmas Joy.” Shawn and Gus’ title happiness over supposedly saving Christmas is almost ruined when the mall Santa they help a young girl get out of jail turns out to be a common con artist, as is the child.

Thankfully, Gus’ sister Joy (Faune Chambers; note the second title connection) convinces the guys to foil the crooks’ planned holiday heist, which just might happen if Joy and Shawn can prevent Gus from learning about their past hookup. Good luck with that!

Also of note: the lovely Phylicia Rashad returns to play Gus’ mother during the episode directed by John Landis, while father duties are taken over from last year’s Ernie Hudson by this year’s equally capable Keith David.

Preview both episodes in the trailers below. They’re definitely looking good.

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At 8pm EST, “Everybody Hates James” finds Rochelle convinced Julius is committing adultery after he overdoes the advice he learns from The Oprah Winfrey Show. Meanwhile, Chris strives to survive the experience of joining the Big Brothers program as a volunteer after the shock of learning who his Little Brother is. An encore of the current season’s premiere, “Everybody Hates Tattaglia,” follows at 9pm.

On The Game’s Debbie Allen-directed “Oh, What a Night” at 8:30pm, Melanie copes with her complicated relationships; Tasha decides to see other men besides Rick Fox when she decides their relationship has no future; and Jason tries to convince his daughter Brittany he’s still capable of being a good father despite the divorce, which she’s convinced is his fault. And, of course, an encore of the current season’s premiere, “Baby on Board,” follows at 9:30pm.

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• The Thursday pairing of Grey’s Anatomy and its spinoff Private Practice, beginning on January 8

• The Wednesday pairing of Lost and Life on Mars, which has also received an order for four additional episodes, beginning on January 28

• The simultaneous return and ABC premiere of Scrubs on Tuesday, January 6 at 9pm EST, following double episodes of According to Jim at 8pm

What’s most notable about the schedule, however, especially to us dramedy fans, is the absence of three of television’s most engaging, entertaining, and arguably unique series: Dirty Sexy Money, Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies.

Following a fall season filled with ratings lows for all three programs, ABC has declined to put any of the struggling sophomore series in the midseason lineup. Reports further indicate the network has likewise passed on extending their seasons to a full 22 episodes.

Consequently, as it stands right now, ABC has just publicly issued a de facto cancellation notice for the trio of shows. Sometimes the business of television really sucks.

The good part of this depressing development? Each series will complete all 13 episodes initially ordered, and maybe we’ll even get to see them on the tube. There are currently eight remaining episodes of Eli Stone left to air and and seven of Dirty Sexy Money and Pushing Daisies.

For the number crunchers: this season, Dirty Sexy Money has averaged 6.6 million total viewers, Eli Stone 7.9 million, and Pushing Daisies 6.4 million. In fact, Eli’s numbers match those of Life on Mars‘ most recent airing, except Eli only averages a 2.1 share in adults 18–49, whereas Mars scored higher with a 2.6.

Wow — the difference is astounding! [/sarcasm]

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