Reno 911!: 5.1 ‘Episode 501’ Recap
Original Air Date: January 16, 2008
NOTE: This series and recap contain very mature themes and language.
The fifth-season premiere picks up right where the fourth-season finale left off, in WIEGEL’s hospital room after she had the baby and declared she knows who his father is.
It turns out that GARCIA wasn’t stealing DANGLE’s would-be husband. Instead, he’s there to arrest both men after producing a document that states same-sex marriages are illegal in Nevada.
At the next morning briefing, Dangle tells Garcia they now have to communicate through his attorney. The good news is that after staying in their jail, Dangle can confirm it’s an effective deterrent. Wiegel then tells everyone present that although she used a sperm bank, the father of her newborn son is in the room. When she still doesn’t reveal who it is, though, Dangle asks if she’s going to hold that over everyone’s heads like some kind of weapon. Wiegel hadn’t considered that strategy before, but since Dangle has mentioned it…
WILLIAMS advises Wiegel not to play it that way and to instead out the father to make him pay up. Yet, Wiegel has another idea in mind—selling the baby to the highest bidder. One couple willing to pay $15,000 also makes it clear that despite the baby’s male gender, they intend to have him enter beauty pageants. The deal goes awry, however, when the prospective father picks the baby up and finds he’s on the heavy side, a “porker.” Not even lowering the price to $14,000 helps.
STUPID CRIMINAL INTERLUDE #1
A baldheaded dude who claims to be an FBI agent walks up to the car that KIMBALL and JOHNSON are patrolling in and tries to commandeer it. He pulls out a fake FBI badge and tells a hypothetical story about chasing a Kenyan baby smuggler who robbed a liquor store. Kimball suggests letting him commandeer the squad car by riding in the back seat and going with them to the station to discuss the crime some more.
The guy agrees and requests that the station be as close to the state line as possible. When Johnson confiscates his fake FBI badge, no worries. He just claims he still has jurisdiction while whipping out another one for the Department of the Treasury.
After a Public Service Announcement scene with Johnson trying to help the Washoe County Animal Shelter find a wholesome home for a lizard confiscated from some pornographers, Dangle tells Wiegel that she’s not fit to raise a child. After all, she did accidentally put a pet hamster in the garbage disposal, set a fern Johnson gave her on fire, and bust her new TV. Elsewhere, JONES blows a .125 on the breathalyzer at 8:45 in the morning during a school talk to help stop kids from driving drunk.
Wiegel next interviews an Asian couple in the Sheriff’s office to sell her baby to, but she pulls out because she claims it feels wrong, like when you go into a black person’s house and don’t know what to say or look at a blind guy. An emergency call interrupts the meeting, and she leaves her baby with the couple, warning them not to steal him because she knows where they live. As soon as Wiegel leaves, the woman looks at the baby and says, “Damn it, we could’ve made $70,000 selling this baby,” before ordering the guy with her to “call the other leads.” Wiegel was only asking for $8,000.
In the patrol car, Williams pulls her gun on her partner-of-the-moment Jones and asks if he’s Wiegel’s baby’s daddy. To verify if the child is partly black, they both claim that all you have to do is check and see if his ears and nut sack are dark. Meanwhile, Dangle’s patrol car responds to a suicide attempt call that’s just within their jurisdiction (Damn!).
Everybody but Johnson shows up on the bridge where yet another baldheaded dude is ready to jump because he woke up that morning and realized he’s reached his peak, which means his life isn’t going to get any better. When the cops learn the last book he read was Superfudge, they manage to deter him by suggesting he read other children’s books, including Tales of a Fourth-Grade Nothing and Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret, and possibly even some that Judy Blume didn’t write.
Exasperated, Dangle finally calls the guy’s so-called death wish just a plea for attention and offers him $10 to go ahead and jump. The guy gets offended that Dangle thinks his life is only worth ten bucks, which inspires the other deputies to pitch in the money they’re carrying, to the tune of $130. When the guy still doesn’t jump, JUNIOR suddenly runs up to the rail and throws himself over. Everyone looks down in awe after he crash-lands, and one cop speculates he must still be alive since he pissed his pants.
Wiegel now has her own commercial to sell her baby—who’s advertised as white and full of love, joy, and wonder—to anyone who wants to avoid the messy clean up of conceiving the time-consuming natural way. Interested parties only have to call the Reno Sheriff’s Department, keeping in mind that all sales are final and include no refunds or exchanges. The next couple to arrive for an interview is black, but Wiegel spots them as she enters the room before they notice her backing away as quickly and quietly as possible.
STUPID CRIMINAL INTERLUDE #2
Dangle and Wiegel stop for a solicitation crime involving a perpetrator dressed in a cut-off tee shirt and hot pants. The guy, who says he’s not gay, claims he was just partying while eating some cake and playing the flute. Wiegel skillfully guesses the flute was actually another man’s penis, but the perp now claims he’s just waiting for his girlfriend Seeeeemji—with a silent “j”—to pick him up.
Dangle and Wiegel don’t believe him, but sure enough, up drives the one and only Seeeeemji in a business suit, and she’s none other than Samantha Who? and Married with Children star Christina Applegate doing a cameo. Not only is she the perp’s girlfriend, but she’s pregnant, albeit via sperm from a sperm bank since when she and the perp get naked to have sex, he vomits because he’s, like, not gay.
Now down to accepting just $6,000, Wiegel has finally made a deal with a white couple to buy her baby. During the meeting, Junior walks in and claims to have found some DNA test results on the floor by her locker that show he’s the father. When he says he can’t believe Wiegel’s willing to get rid of his child for just $6,000 without telling him, the husband rapidly increases the offer to $10,000, which Wiegel immediately agrees to with the exclamation “Sold!”
As Junior walks out, he gives Wiegel a sly thumbs-up signal. Then after the couple hand over a check for the money and leave, Junior comes back in. Wiegel, thrilled over the extra $4,000, confirms their 50-50 split and suggests that Junior go into community theater since his performance was so good.
MY TAKE: The fifth-season premiere was a complete and undeniable riot, and I can’t wait to see what else is coming up on Reno 911! this season.
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POSTED IN: Christina Applegate, Improv, Recaps, Reno 911!
1 opinion for Reno 911!: 5.1 ‘Episode 501’ Recap
b5media - Entertainment Roundup
Jan 19, 2008 at 4:03 am
[…] how I’ve missed your snarky ways. I’ll take your "Wonderful Lie" any day. And Reno 911! comes back for a 5th season - yes, 5th. Prison Break is just a couple of days away - a tunnel, a […]
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